You know what I find super discouraging? When unschoolers, whether radical or not, find it necessary to put energy into berating each other; into questioning a person’s “status” as an unschooler because of something they do or don’t do with their children. It reminds me a bit too much of certain political parties who are willing to excommunicate a member for deviating even a millimeter from the official party line. Whether a family applies the principles of unschooling to their entire life or simply to the realm of education (and to some degree it is impossible to separate the two), I would hope that – whatever ‘camp’ we happen to be in – we would refrain from bashing each other and would realize that unschooling is an individual, continual journey that will manifest differently for each and every family.
I have unschooling friends who restrict screen time for their kids, and others who put the brakes on sugar and would never dream of letting their kids eat at Mcdonalds. These are not military style parents, but loving, caring adults who have thought carefully about these decisions and who have discussed them with their kids. There is a huge difference between handing down arbitrary rules “because I said so” with no questions allowed, and making a decision based on a parent’s own concerns or experiences, discussing it with the kids so that there is no misunderstanding, and moving forward accordingly with the knowledge that nothing is set in stone.
Other friends of mine regulate nothing because it works for them and for their kids.
Neither way is inherently better. Sometimes a temporary restriction can be a path to even more freedom and understanding.
As a community we should never discourage others from asking questions, or from writing about their own concerns or questioning unschooling and its various incarnations. Nothing is perfect, not even unschooling, and questions are part of the journey. I would be suspicious of anyone who berates another family for questioning or having doubts. We should support those who question, give our own experience and advice if asked, and hope that they find the path that works best for them and their children even if it does not exactly mirror our own. Someday we too might have doubts, (I know I certainly have and sometimes still do) and it would be sad if we couldn’t voice those doubts to members of our own community.
The unschoolers I turn to most through their writing include Sandra Dodd, Wendy Priesnitz, Dayna Martin, Laurie A. Couture, Grace Llewellyn & Pam Sorooshian. Do they all agree on everything? No. Do I always agree with them? Again the answer is no, but I respect their opinions and they always serve to make me reexamine what we are doing so that I can be reassured or make adjustments or simply continue as we are.
That is the beauty of community. Lose the diversity and the ability to disagree and we lose something vital. Unschooling is too important to become just another intolerant group of purists who believe their way is the only way and who refuse to allow healthy debate among the ranks.
I think we’re better than that. I hope moving forward, the entire unschooling community will prove me right.
Thanks for this. After reading this and a few other very similar blog posts in the last week, I created a Facebook group for those who think it’s ok to deviate a millimeter, or more. Join us!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/520274801369492/
Elizabeth!
Thank you so much for starting the “Unschooling Spectrum” group on Facebook! I believe it is exactly what was needed for people to feel comfortable and accepted, no matter how unschooling manifests in their family.
Regards,
Amy
I appreciate this post! I first came to the term “unschooling” by reading John Holt and his collection of letters sent to the Growing without Schooling magazine. I really love how diverse the experiences and perspectives of the letter writers are. So when I started to interact more with today’s unschooling world, I was surprised by how constrained, and often times reductive, the term has become. So, again, it’s great to read this post.
Thanks Raj! Yes, the current trend in some circles is puzzling. Censorship and censure of individuals and families for not being ‘authentic’ unschoolers is counter to everything I believe this journey to be. I’d recommend “Life Learning Magazine” to everyone who wants a more all inclusive format and great info on a consistent basis. (And anything Wendy Priesnitz has written falls into that category.)
Regards,
Amy
Lovely, and well articulated.
Looking into this unschooling, surround me with info please!?
The above….
Well done!!!
Thank you, Amy
Looking into this unschooling, surround me with info please!?
The above….
Well done!!!
Thank you, Amy
Hi Pam!
First and foremost, I would subscribe to “Life Learning Magazine” (it’s an online magazine) edited by Wendy Priesnitz. I feel it is a great way to learn a lot without feeling overwhelmed or judged. I would also recommend Wendy’s books, which you can find through the lifelearningmagazine.com website. Sandra Dodd is great as well – her website is http://www.sandradodd.com, but I would recommend buying her book “Sandra Dodd’s Big Book of Unschooling” because it distills the blog info into one spot and I still refer to it constantly. Then there is Grace Llewellyns’ “Teenage Liberation Handbook”. Even if your kids are young, I recommend reading it and having it around. Pat Farenga’s blog at http://www.patfarenga.com is great, as is all the info on the holtgws.com website (which Pat runs). Any books by John Holt or John Taylor Gatto are wonderful.
Do you have a pen ready?
There is much more, but I’ll leave at that for now. If you’d like to talk to someone “in person”, I am available for consultations. (You don’t have to be in NY. Ah the wonders of Skype!) Enjoy the reading, and remember that unschooling is all about experimenting and finding the right path for you and your kids. Nothing is irreversible and the main ingredient is joy in the process!
Regards,
Amy
100% agree!
“I have unschooling friends who restrict screen time for their kids, and others who put the brakes on sugar and would never dream of letting their kids eat at Mcdonalds. . . .Other friends of mine regulate nothing because it works for them and for their kids.”
This is not the argument I have seen about what makes someone an unschooler or not. This is the argument about what makes someone some shade of radical unschooler or not.
The argument I have seen about what makes someone an unschooler or not is about someone who calls themself an unschooler but insists their child use some sort of curriculum for some part of their education. Something like: “We are unschoolers but I have the kids do such-and-so curriculum for math.”
Hi Nance,
Thanks for your comment, and yes, you are correct. There are many facets to the “who is a real unschooler” argument, and as far as a curriculum math does seem to creep in quite a bit. My feeling is the same – that if a parent has their own issues with Math, they can discuss it and as long as whatever they do is working for them and their kids I don’t see a real issue, nor would I brand them as inauthentic unschoolers as a result.
Regards,
Amy
That’s where we would disagree. If a child wants to explore a curriculum, that can be part of unschooling. If Mom is requiring the child use a curriculum, because of her issues or whatever reason, that’s not unschooling. Mom is likely a lovely woman and a fabulous, loving homeschooler. But she’s not an unschooler.
I wouldn’t go out of my way to brand the Mom one way or the other but if she came to an unschooling discussion and wanted advice from an unschooling perspective on which math curriculum she should use, she would be informed she’s not unschooling. Because she’s not. She might be informed nicely. If she persists that she is too unschooling, just not for math, she might get a less nice response as the discussion meandered on.
The very nice, loving, caring homeschool Mom should realize that there is no shame in not being an unschooler. Most people are not unschoolers. And that’s fine.
But I would disagree with you if you told her she was an unschooler and I was just a big meanie for insisting there is an actual meaning to the word.
Of course a parent who requires a child to use a curriculum against their wishes is not unschooling. I don’t know anyone who insists on curriculum based learning who also says they unschool. I do know a few unschoolers who have at times insisted their child do some structured Math, for instance. And when I’ve spoken to them about it they say that they are not unschooling math at the moment, for whatever reason. Most of the time – at least in my experience – it is temporary. My point is that the drive to label each family as to whether or not they are “real”unschoolers is misplaced energy. People will have rough patches, they will falter and take two steps back. They will dispute and doubt and question the path they’ve chosen. Of course there is no shame in not unschooling, but there should also be no shame in experimenting, and questioning the unschooling path. Sometimes that’s the only way to discover that it is indeed the correct one for your family.
Got it. Not unschooling at the moment. . .
All unschooling means is not school, not in school etc. boy take such a simple meaning and make it complicated.